One of the chores inherent in the practice of law is that one has to read a lot of really REALLY dry court opinions. It’s always nice when you find judges out there who recognize this, and make some effort to keep it interesting. One of my favorites from law school has always been Mattel, Inc. v. MCA Records, Inc., 296 F.3d 894 (9th Cir. 2002). Well, this week saw an interesting footnote added to that opinion.
The Back Story
Most will probably remember that there was an annoying pop song, which was recorded back in the 90′s, called “Barbie Girl.” The group Aqua‘s single claim to fame was a huge success, despite being about as appealing to listen to as nails on a chalkboard — don’t let the number of stars assigned to this YouTube clip fool you.
"Do you really think that I’m perfect for the job?"
Helpful hints for finding and hiring a legal assistant:
Make sure you use an online listing service. Craigslist is always a good one.
Always do a good job of describing what you’re looking for. Use explicit language, whenever possible. For example, stating that you are seeking an “energetic woman” for “general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers” seems to be a winner.
Next, in addition to a resume, be sure to ask for some personal information, such as photographs and “a description of your physical features, including measurements.”
When you receive applications, always follow up with an email, including more information about what the position entails. Here’s a great example of the kind of thing you should write: “In addition to the legal work, you would be required to have sexual interaction with me and my partner, sometimes together sometimes separate. This part of the job would require sexy dressing and flirtatious interaction with me and my partner, as well as sexual interaction.”
To be sure that everyone understands what is expected, you will want to make performing sexually a part of the interview process.
My name is Jason, and I’ve been writing for other people’s blogs for some time now. I figured it was about time to pull all that content together into one place and begin working on my own "personal brand" — as one of my mentors describes it. This blog will finally be my own creation, where I will have full editorial control. A place for me to rant about my passions, and hopefully share some useful know how.
What you will find here…
As I mentioned above, I have been writing for other blogs for some time. You may be more familiar with my posts from The Legal Satyricon, where I’ve been a contributor since late 2008. More recently, I’ve been working on my law firm’s blog, Tactical IP. I have republished much of the content that I have already posted on those sites here, and I will probably continue to do so, with meta information at the end of each post, indicating where it originally appeared. I have imported older posts with their original publishing date, so it may look like this blog has been here a while. However, this is really the first post.
I am hoping to write some original content that will be exclusive to this site. Mostly stuff that I don’t think is appropriate for anywhere else (which isn’t very much, considering the range of content that is acceptable for the Satyricon). My plan is to continue in the vein of those other blogs — focusing mostly on developments in intellectual property law, my opinions about tech news and other bits of online culture. Hopefully, I can talk some of my friends into providing a couple of guest posts.
Enjoy!
Please check back often, and let me know what you think of my work in the comments. Don’t be afraid to register and let me know who you are. I’m not an internet marketing bot, so I won’t abuse your private information. You can use the feed to receive posts via email or through any standard RSS reader.
I would like to close the inaugural post with a nice image of this blog’s principal totem — the Hindu deity Ganesha, god of travelers and merchants…
For a couple of weeks now, Tactical IP has been putting together a list of companies that deserve recognition for their *outstanding* intellectual property enforcement efforts. Below is their latest list of "IP Bully of the Month" nominees. You can check out all the recent entries here. Feel free to comment on who you think deserves honors for the month.
The Sex Pistols — for demanding that London-based Icecreamists stop using its "God Save the Cream" advertising campaign for ice cream, which they allege is confusingly similar to the design of their "God Save the Queen" logo. Oddly enough, the pioneers of punk haven’t yet demanded that the Icecreamists stop selling its absinthe-flavored ice cream called "The Sex Pistol." (source)
Google Inc. — for demanding that independent software developer, Steve Kondik a/k/a Cyanogen, stop distributing his free software, CyanogenMOD, that greatly expands the functionality of Google’s Android smartphone operating system. (source)
No matter how bad your life seems, these guys can make you feel better. With lyrics about self loathing, alcohol abuse, suicide, my-daddy-never-loved-me issues, and my-ex-girlfriend-cut-out-my-heart-fried-it-up-in-a-pan-ate-it-puked-it-onto-the-floor-and-jumped-up-and-down-on-top-of-it goodness.
One of the "peculiarities" of U.S. trademark law is that the government has a stick up its collective ass about recognizing trademarks that may be suggestive of dick-and-fart humor. Section 2 of the Lanham Act (the federal statute that creates trademark rights) provides:
No trademark by which the goods of the applicant may be distinguished from the goods of others shall be refused registration on the principal register on account of its nature unless it –
(a) Consists of or comprises immoral, deceptive, or scandalous matter . . . .
These guys are something of a guilty pleasure for me — definitely not for everyone. Something about their raw garage-type energy, combined with an unexpected production value, makes my foot go tap, tap, tap.
